Metrographics

It's hip and happening if:

1. It takes a couple of hours in rush hour through smog and honks to reach the destination which is just a few blocks away.

2. You have more shopping malls and pubs than a decent modest cafeteria.

3. You prefer to stay at home on weekends for a break.

4. You see a pickup truck loaded with stuff in your neighbourhood and you are not sure whether your next door neighbour is moving in or out.

5. You come back home after your honeymoon and the landlord 'informs' you of the newly revised rents. Well, you are fortunate if you find the house when you come back, most probably, the landlord would have already sold it to a builder to make way for a luxury apartment.

6. One morning, you are shocked to see your dignified and quiet neighbour being introduced on prime TV as a ruthless serial killer.

7. Your child demands license for weapon for self defense in school.

8. Your maid insists on you owning a washing machine, a dust buster and Tata Sky if you want her to stay.

9. At the metro station, you happen to hear an old hindi song and you see everybody checking their mobiles.

10. You've lost your car key and immediately think of dialing its number to find it.

11. The travel to the airport is costlier and lengthier than the air trip itself.

12. There is atleast one bomb blast twice a year and scores of hoax calls through the length and breadth of the city.

13. You have to walk through the metal detector to enter the toilet.

14. You have to pick and choose programmes in a kids channel.

15. You have difficulty in hearing sounds below 200 decibels (which is acceptable and advantageous for healthy living).

16. You have specialist vets and puppy food at a minutes walk from your home while the paediatrician is half hour away.

17. You and your spouse see each other only on weekends (if you live in the same city) or/and your child fails to recognise you in a crowd or vice versa.

18. You finally decide to own a vehicle even if you are scared stiff of the chaotic traffic as you are more scared of confronting the autorickshaw drivers and of taking a ride in the local bus.

19. Your daughter runs up to the TV and calls "Mamma!"

20. You feel disabled if your mobile turns off.

21. You prefer to own a dog rather than have a baby as the latter needs both you and your spouse's involvement, time and money.

22. Your dog's name is longer than yours.

23. You insist to use the lift even to reach the first floor.