Coloured Glass

All sort of funny things happen before the general elections in India. India is a haven for countless festivals (the official stress-busters for the hard-working Indian) that are celebrated throughout the country notwithstanding the festival of bandhs and hartals (the ghost of the non-cooperation movement during the freedom struggle which has not seemed to have left the Indian psyche). And the people just gleefully welcome every opportunity to have some quality time with family or to catch up with long lost friends, a break from the otherwise mundane days of work and stress. I don't think even the Aussies can beat us to this though statistically they are the happiest in the whole world!
And the elections too oddly fall in this category. The elections that come in varied hue and names like the by-elections, Lok-Sabha elections and the Assembly elections are truly something that Indians look forward to. The entire atmosphere changes to that of a Mela (a local fair). As chaotic as the Kumbh mela, this fanfare is held every five years (if the government, often an assortment of small, warring parties does tide over numerous no-confidence motions that the opposition brings as hurdles in the race otherwise called governance).
Indians are true lovers of cricket. We would stay out of work for a whole day just to watch that 'crucial' match and later discuss it animatedly with our friends. On such an important day, if you go out you would find the roads deserted, the shops half-closed and even your neighbourhood appears eerily silent except for an occasional shout that emanates simultaneously from all around for a sixer scored or for that unbelievable catch. The communal, social, class divide disappears and men get to be amiable with each other and with their wives, provided they are ready to discuss cricket!
The same goes for the elections. I still remember in my school days, Papa was glued to the TV. Then there was only Doordarshan as Prannoy Roy (the Indian TV news mogul) who did the election analysis. The leaders and candidates of different parties appeared for panel discussions and much mud slinging and the viewers (read Papa) were greatly enjoying the 'show'. I almost thought that it was his cricket but found out that this was a different sort of entertainment.
Now the Doordarshan has almost been shown the door (at least in urban India) while a line of news channels through the cable give a sumptuous spread of the news programs meant for before, during and after elections. The news channels have now turned into reality news channels, where you are updated with the latest with live footage. You can view the notorious Varun (I somehow can't attach the Gandhi name with him, though he is legally entitled to it!) being taken by the police in the middle of the night to a secure jail or know and discuss who really is the third front (which sadly even the third front is not quite sure of) and know all the permutations and combinations that are possible for party alliances, follow Mayavati (the self-proclaimed Obama, gosh! tell me its a joke!) in her campaign trail or hear Advani's political agenda onscreen.
People watch it, talk it, sleep it, think about it, give their own opinions on it but never do really act on it. Urban India is known to abstain from exercising their franchise. The excuse being, no matter whom you elect, the system remains unchanged and hence the non-cooperation!

The big leaders know it well and so the villages suddenly come into their focus. The farmers (if they still exist, since many have already ended their lives) are hugged, tears wiped from wrinkled faces of old hags and naked babies are held with sanitised hands and their noses wiped clean, maybe for the first time. The roads to villages are mended quickly and helipads are constructed for the candidates to travel as fast as possible. The people who have never stepped out of their air-conditioned BMW's and Mercedes can now be seen toiling it out in the sun. With hands clasped in a Namaste, they trundle along in an open jeep, sweating, toasting in the scorching sun. All for the precious votes. Sometimes they even appear dressed up as mythological characters to exploit the spiritual side of the voter like in this snap that came in a daily, The Hindu.

While some list out promises of basic necessities like water and sanitation, others are quick to point out the needs of a tired labourer when he heads home, a television to entertain his tired soul!
Elsewhere we see netas suddenly transforming from Scrooges to great givers. Unable to 'see' the misery of the aam aadmi (common man), they distribute money around. I always wonder how it eluded them all those five years, only to revisit their memories before the elections!
But all know how much they desire the rift between the poor and rich to stay and widen. The politicians need both sides of the society, the rich they need for all the money needed to oil out their power machinery and they need the poor equally, their precious votes which would keep them at the helm of their well oiled system. Some even have innovative ideas of splitting a state into newer ones. If successful, the small-time leaders can be assured of a bigger office in the newly formed state!
Then there are the super rich NRI's mostly from US finding a way of investing in the Indian market. They either vow to sponsor an already successful party so that when it comes into power, they would be equally benefited or some even have greater plans to actually contest the elections!! They try out their luck in getting a ticket through big parties, party ideologies are never a point of contention. All that counts is dollars or pounds! If they win, they stay put in India; if they lose, nothing actually lost, they go back to where they came from. Many have forgotten that elections are actually conducted to find out a good representative of the people!
Many Ministers and candidates probably go for a dentist sitting as they do have to exhibit their dentures (be it their own or fake ones) to the public in all its glory.
Some who get tired of smiling, resort to wearing masks with a fake 'plastic' (how true) smile on it.
One thing we Indians can never deny is our love-hate relationship with the movie world. I have heard of rickshaw drivers who do day and night shift to make ends meet but would never miss the first day first show of their favourite movie star. And during the elections, these very stars step down from their tinsel cocoon to fetch those votes from their fan following for different parties. They are paraded along with the party's candidate. He/she waves at the crowd and the hysteric crowd wave back at them. That's it, the vote is assured.
Under the 'strict' watchful eyes of the EC, the elections are conducted all over the country, forget the booth capturing and fake votes. Many vote; majority do not, who feel wise to sit at home and watch the proceedings with popcorn and cola in front. And children being innovative, play memory games with the innumerable party symbols that keeps increasing every term as disgruntled sidelined party men pop up with newer parties.
Soon one more election will be over and when the results are out after much nail biting wait, people congratulate each other over phone when their favourite candidate wins even if they never voted for him. A long day that ends in celebration and fireworks...
And then next day dawns... a new day for India? God knows!

Images! So important for all of us. Images that help us to understand a situation, a person, an idea...Be it a time of celebration- the crumbling down of the wall of Berlin or a time of crisis- the Twin Towers crumbling down...Always helped us to arrange events in the shelf of the memory, neatly stacked, often to pop up at the right time sometimes at the wrong moment, just like when you are clumsy enough to stack too many books on top of each other and then pull at the one at the bottom.

Apart from all those famous photographs and videos, there is our own personal collection, of our ancestors, long gone but their images still remained, mouldy, black and white-turning-grey and yellow, faded but still stuck to the heavy photo album, the ones with black card sheets as the pages and huge metal (usually gold plated) spirals to hold and turn them...and others, old reminders of life's milestones, first birthday, college farewell, first car, wedding, first trip abroad and all the trips that followed the first...

Still remember an old photograph of my grandparents (paternal), Thatha (grandpa) with a turban and long sherwani, garlanded, looking very thin and too young (he was just seventeen) and Ajji (grandma), hair decked in jasmine flowers, a large nose ring, head bowed, garlanded and in a light coloured sari, she was twelve...Fast forward a little to the future, my father in pants and shirt tucked in garlanding my mother, smiling at her and my mother(God! she had such long, thick hair and a beautiful face) looking down...

Once upon a time, photographs were taken artistically, a skill was needed to get hold of that one moment in life, to be framed or showcased or to be awarded. The lighting, the shutter speed, the exposure time, the lens, the angle...technical stuff. Today anybody takes a picture, even my two year old can click away with no worry.

Result, an overload of images...

Images can be so deceptive at times. The well-circulated picture of the white-clad politician garlanding the statue of the Mahatma and later heard mixed up in homicide or the well-known police chief who would let sparks fly as he spoke against drug dealings in schools and colleges only to be later caught red-handed with a fresh supply of marijuana and brown sugar at his home.

Images can be so delusive. The beautiful couple married off in all pomp and splendour, send back snaps of their honeymoon trip to their waiting friends and relatives. Images of them both holding hands, hugging, smiling from ear to ear, all are happy. And then drops the bomb shell of divorce, exploding in their faces as a firework doing its work at the wrong time. Behind those smiling faces, was there hatred, bitterness and cussing?

Images can be so misleading. The wrong person with you at the wrong time and circulated to the wrong people and hell is broke lose. The influential can deny, claim it to be doctored, blame the media. The not-so-influential is expected to endure the shame, the blame and the maim...

Once I was asked by a girl in a social networking site to add her as a friend. Her profile picture was that of a thin, innocent girl, probably in her late teens with a sweet smile. i checked her profile to get to know her better and I regret it even today!! She turned out to be a lesbian and her page was filled with filthy stuff of porn that made me retch. Who would have thought that under that innocuous smile and angelic face lay such dirty thoughts??


Go to any social networking site and you see snaps of friends, families, kids on a vacation, couples hugging, friends at a party...You go for a party/get together, snap, snap, snap as you pose deliberately (most often), say cheese and then freeze. The moment captured forever. You carefully put them up, one by one, for others in the list to see, others who are far away, wondering occasionally about you and your life (do they? how stupid!!). The most amusing thing I have discovered is that it doest matter that all cannot be in your good books but you can always add them in facebook!!!
Often you feel compelled to project your satisfied life to your friends, to convince them about...what??
An acquaintance once asked me after getting in touch after a long gap, through such a site, "I heard that you are married, to a Muslim...is that true?" and when i said "Yes", responded back, "But you look happy!!" Excuse me!! Then another one said, "Oh! you look happy". Thank you for your observation and the revelation!!
This nudged me to post a host of snaps, a happy me, happy kids, happy me and Manoj...happy, happy, happy!!!

So life was not all that boring for me all those years, chum. See, me, 'enjoying'? And if those glossy pictures (sometimes photoshoped) are absent, then does it mean that he/she is not really happy in life??

How much do we take care of our image that sometimes has taken years for us to build around us. An image often unlike the real us. Some hide fear in their bold life or statements. Others laugh off their sorrows. Others cover up their disappointment in their endless cynicism.

I am told and often pleaded to believe by the media is that the world is coming closer with technology, through the internet. Everything is laid bare before us or rather it seems. There is transparency everywhere whether you need it or not. All seem to be too honest about their faults and failures. Everyone seems to be so lovely and loving. And yet people are so stone cold. There is no real passion in us anymore for any cause.
We live life and now capture those precious moments in our lives not as just keepsakes but as a spectacle for others to watch. Some sites for socialising aid you in this direction. You sneeze(I wanted to say 'fart' but don't you think it too crude?) and the whole world will know. It is so convenient to create an image that is pleasing to others now. Hold that stray puppy and say cheese and you become an animal lover. Nobody will care even if you kick the puppy on its a**. You can let the whole world know that you love God and so pray day in and out and then go party, sleep, indulge, who knows and who cares? You can say sweet things about your wonderful husband/wife or hint subtly or obviously being such a devoted spouse and then be as passive as possible in real life. Nobody would know!!

The one image that wormed into my memory recently and keeps coming up above others is the picture of all those fans of the movie actor Chiranjeevi. They had all appeared wearing masks of their favourite actor. A sea of chiranjeevi faces facing the chiranjeevi!!!

What is happening to us? Is self-promotion the only motivating factor for all our deeds and talks? It is sickening to hear endless talk sans action from people far and near.

Take for instance the women at war; the not so gentle Nirmala and the over-reacting Renuka (but to be honest, I like her) . I thought they were appointed to voice out the problems faced by Indian women and ease them out of it.

Ofcourse the Pub incident is long forgotten except for those repeated visuals on TV channels, which is aired now and then to stir our rusting memories. Yeah we do have short term memory loss but mostly it is selective memory loss...

Maybe not always in a pub but girls do get attacked on their way back home by cab drivers, at home by alcoholic husbands, in a park while with her boy friend or while in a car with him...and yet these ladies on a pedestal choose to ignore such incidents and remain silent until the cynosure or the eyesore, whichever you might want to name a pub as, of a very posh locality is burst upon by slogan shouting, 'tilaked' and saffroned men crying war on girls who frequent it.

And what about all those children who are attacked, maimed, killed everyday around us? I am sure you must already forgotten the little girl who was tortured by the UP policemen or the boy killed after torture in a policestation or even the street children who were bold enough to say to a set of media crew that they are being sodomised by the night patrol in a well-known city. And soon the incident of rape of innocent deaf and dumb inmates in a girls' home that is doing the rounds now in the channels will be moved to oblivion... Did you say, "Disgusting"? Well, FYI, there are much worse stuff happening around us than we can imagine and that too often borne by children and women.

But what do our women and child care commissions or such similar outfits do? They take up issues that has flesh in it (not literally) and then Ooh! here there is ample chance to fan off a communal conflict of ideologies and get enough political mileage to ensure the safety of their seats in the parliament. As for the seemingly naive Nirmala, lady luck was smiling as her quite dissatisfied irate face was shown on every TV channel, fighting for the sake of the erstwhile Indian culture. What more do you ask for if the BJP itself comes at your doorstep to parade you as their darling candidate? Mission accomplished. Renuka became the voice of all the upper-class women whose ego was hurt by the monkey army while Nirmala rose as the Joan of Arc of Hinduism. Now what is left is the poor under-privileged, illiterate women who sadly form the majority of the female populace.

These women at the top are so busy fighting it out against each other that they even fail to see how women are portrayed these days on TV, like sniffer dogs after a beef cut, women fall all over men who put on a certain perfume. Wonder why the women's activists never could put an axe to it? Well that doesn't mind me much because all I can say is that an overuse of this perfume could bust any girl's olfactory system!! Maybe women should sue the perfume company concerning this health hazard. Just look at the images flashing through the screen (I know, I don't even have to urge you to look because its eye candy for most men) girls, women skimpily clad, wooing men with fragrance or attitude or long legs or cleavage (front or rear)!! Now would you say disgusting looking at the news makers these days? Rapists who are barely 12 years old to 80 years old, victims as young as 1 year old to as old as 60 years old. Who would you blame? The media or the passive audience who lap up anything served in their platter?

Talking of promotions, the extent to which the distributors go to get their movies reach the public is quite shocking for me, well, I am still a very primitive-minded person, very old-fashioned and hence boring for many... well that's my problem and never mind... For the movie DevD, the crew started a web-site and invited surfers of all age to leave lewd comments to one of the characters (supposedly a school girl whose story highlights the forgettable MMS incident in Delhi) and even do some dirty talk with her. Some promotion I should say!

And to top it all, there are the grand and the incredible alliances and number games among the political parties. Their Math defying seat sharings and unethical coalitions are irksome and pukesome. And every scam and scandal is adopted by them to shower allegations against their counterparts. Be it a new comers like Varun Gandhi, Raj Thackerey or veterans like Narendra Modi, their only aim is to project themselves be it by inciting violence or actually preparing a path for violence!!

Where are we going? Is it just "Shut up and vote"? or Is it "Vote and be upright"? It is obviously up to us to decide...

How to ward off the ram sene army on valentine's day


If you want to go out with your lady love, insist on a Prada, I mean, Parda...

Change your hangout to Sharavana Bhavan or Sukh Sagar than a Cafe Coffee day or Barista.

You may garland her but never give her a rose.

If you really want to have sometime with her, get the neighbour's kids for babysitting. Take them out to the park and call your girlfriend/boyfriend over...When you go back, do get the kids back home, we do need them next year don't we?

And why not some shopping, hmm...not at the mall, get (plead or steal) your mom's shopping bag and take your friend to the nearest vegetable market.

Always carry a camera (atleast get your kiddo brother's toy one) and if you see the Sene (the moral brigade) approaching, behave as if you are tourists, furiously taking pictures, be it the garbage bin or the public urinal and talk gibberish...

For the pub wallahs:
Wash the front of the discotheque or pub with cow dung and water and put a 'kolam'/rangoli, avoid the cupid figurines and heart shapes.

Insist on tradional wear as the theme for the night, so it would be pattu sari, plaited, well-oiled hair for girls and mundu, silk shirt for men.

Get local 'musicians' from the nearest 'kalyanamandpam', install them at the entrance and let them play till midnight.

Change the name of the waterhole eg: Amnesia can be Sri Sai Amnesia.

Culture Vulture

Watching the news these days causes my hands to itch too often, not to slap the presenter, which I would gladly do given a chance for other reasons, but to write all that is churning inside my head. But these kids keep me on toes and I cant even turn my head to the PC. Today I just had to find time to puke out the matter or be dyspeptic.

I really get irritated the moment I hear the word culture, I might even turn violent one of these days. The BJP's monkey army's talibanisation of India has been played out umpteen times on the news channels, I cant blame them, when they get to shoot the scene, almost as if pre-arranged even with a cameraman shouting 'action', it was too irressistible for the media wolves. Who would think of calling the police when the real 'show' had just begun. It was almost like a cheap thriller played out, some enjoying the 'doing' part, others watching it. And now the CM himself backs up his 'fellow brothers' in condemning the 'western culture' that has 'corrupted' our country.

Let me take this time to just look back on our 'great Indian culture' that we so often trumpet or honk around.

The great Indian culture that we see in every lane and even on the main roads, peeing away sometimes turned to a wall and at times facing you.

The culture that teaches us to keep our house and compound clean but to throw the garbage in the neighbour's plot. To use one's neighbour's potted plant or doorstep as a spittoon and the neighbour's gateway as the dog's toilet.

Our 'moral' police condemn women wearing western dress but wouldnt mind enjoying the sight of sari clad women exhibiting their midriff and navel, as long as the face is covered by the 'Ghunghat'.

The great culture where desi and videsi women are quite unsafe. Indian women (barring a fortunate few) face violence, abuse, discrimination, sexual violation, harassment while their videshi counterparts have to think twice to pay this country a visit even as a tourist (think Goa, Gurgaon, Delhi, Chandigarh).

Our culture is so great that we boast of tolerance, secularism and then destroy all those who do not stand under the same umbrella. Hope you have'nt forgotten Godhra in Gujarat, Manoharpur village and Kandmal in Orissa and many others which went unnoticed as they never stimulated the media.

Our culture is so wonderful that we kill our own leaders, no, first we call them Mahatma and then reduce them to atmas.
A culture where young widows were (are) allowed to commit suicide in their husband's funeral pyre and are later worshipped. Elsewhere widows are abused, exploited by the society, never allowing them to live on their own terms. Where educated men are sold like cattle in the name of marrriage and women have to pay up to get married and dare they fail and they end up paying with their lives.

A culture where women have a secondary status in many households and a girl child often not welcome. Where female foetuses are discarded heartlessly in rubbish bins in hospitals or even buried alive in the backyard.

A culture where a century back, devadasis were trained at an age as early as 4 years. The temples built with seminude figurines, promoting eroticism more than anything spiritual.
Why the culture even describes paradise as a place where the 'gods' get drunk as they watch skimpily clad nymphs dancing away. I could never see any high calling in that.

The 'clean' culture which condemns the west for all the 'wrongs' while secretly ogles at the 'phoren' women tanning in the beach and drools over porn. Is there any 'clean' reason that can be given for the statisitcs that point at our nation as one of the fastest growing in AIDS? And why do you think we have redlight areas in almost every city, prostitution being a profession for many destitute women if our culture was the best?

The culture that teaches us to bribe our way through the government system. And what about all those politicians and ministers who are caught in the act of bribing, being bribed, who later deny and are conveniently forgotten?

Our culture teaches us to live double lives, the goody goody face in public and take out our frustration in private. Never be assertive, keep that plastic smile, butter up all those whom you might need help from and grind your teeth and curse them and do a bit of backbiting in their absence.

Our culture teaches us to be greedy and selfish, how else would you explain the way the locals helped themselves with the belongings of victims of a train accident down south before lending a helping hand? And what about those men and women who gleefully waved, winked, smiled at the TV cameras accompanying reporters and called family on their mobiles to let them know "I am live on TV!!!" immediately after the 26/11 attacks??? We push each other in a line, elbow our way to get into a bus and dont mind stepping on fallen bodies of women and children in a stampede.

Yeah our culture does add up to be pretty much impressive, so why not condemn the westerners. Out with the pub culture, out with the west. longlive our great culture pooh!

NB: Someone said somewhere, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her..." John 8:7

Hey, did you know that I had writers' block!! would u believe it? even I couldn't buy it. But I hate constipated ideas and a diarrhea of words, so I stopped for a while and now am back for mysake. Did you give that smirk just now? Here's a bigger one from me TO YOU. So there! And By the way, I wasn't talking to you.